Tag: Being Single

The Secret of Contentment

Posted on by Michelle

I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. –
Philippians 4:12b-13

Last night, we began our summer study of the book ‘Rest of God” by Mark Buchanan.  It is no coincidence that I am reading this and “Margin” by Richard Swenson at the same time.  Both books are a thought-provoking look at work and rest and what the Bible teaches us about them.

One of the thoughts that struck me in reading these two books is how much we have bought into the lie of “if only.”  If only I had a different job, or made more money or a different boss or didn’t have to deal with the snippy, snarky co-worker, then everything would be fine. Really?

We think contentment lies at the heart of better circumstances.  Swenson writes that “contentment isn’t denying one’s feelings about unhappiness, but instead a freedom from being controlled by those feelings.”  This rings true throughout Scripture.  Paul knew the secret to contentment didn’t lie in different circumstances, but in fixing his eyes on Christ.

I don’t know what circumstances you find yourself in today.  I have no doubt many of you have had a bad day, week, month, or even year.  Let me encourage you to seek God.  Ask Him to show you what He can do in the midst of your circumstances.  Will you worship God and thank Him for His blessings regardless of the circumstances, or is your faith proportionate to your level of comfort?

God’s Outrageous Love

Posted on by Michelle

Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies – Psalm 36:5

 

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. – Romans 5:8

This month in Bible Study, we have been studying the book of Hosea.  This is a great book to be studying during this month that is associated with love.  The material titled the section God’s Outrageous Love.  What an appropriate title.  Webster defines outrageous as “exceeding the limits of what is usual,” and “not conventional or matter-of-fact.”  This is certainly a great description of God’s love.  His love goes far beyond the limits of what is usual.  We see through the message of Hosea, and throughout history that His love is not conventional.  It is, really, unbelievable.

This month of intensified focus on love is difficult for a lot of people.  For many singles, it highlights that we are single.  For many who are in bad relationships, it highlights their pain.  Indeed, if we focus on what the world has to offer in the way of love, we are all lacking.  There are limits to this kind of love.  Last night, I was reminded by a worship leader that I am lovable and I cannot be loved more than I am loved by God.  This is good news and it is good news that we can share with others who have felt the limits of earthly love.  Rather than focusing on what we don’t have, let’s rejoice in what we do have and share the outrageous love of God with those around us this month and all year.

God in the neighborhood

Posted on by Michelle

The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood. We saw the glory with our own eyes, the one-of-a-kind glory, like Father, like Son, Generous inside and out, true from start to finish. – John 1:14 (MSG)

I know this time of year is difficult for many.  For single adults, this time of year can be lonely and full of pain.  For anyone going through a difficult time, it may be hard to see past your circumstances. The same is true for those who are comfortable in life.  Whether we think about it or not, we have much to be Thankful for this year and every year. Why?  The Word, became flesh and dwelt among us. Jesus came from heaven and lived on earth with us.  He made a way for us to be reconciled to God, to have eternal life and to have hope in a world that is often without.  I’ll say it again, we have much to be thankful for.  Let’s not only give thanks, but give God glory for the things He has done.

Growing Up

Posted on by Michelle

There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all. There are different kinds of service, but we serve the same Lord. God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us. – I Corinthians 12:4-6

In his sermon this past weekend, Dr. Brooks preached about growing up in Christ.  He talked about how, as we know Christ better, each of us does our part in the body of Christ.

I immediately thought about our Thanksgiving dinner for single adults last Friday evening.  It was a wonderful evening because of the contributions of a number of people who all did their part.  The setup of the tables was done by our great maintenance staff, the table was beautifully set with china and cool napkins folds by our kitchen staff, it was festively decorated thanks to Lois, and Chef Gregg presented an incredible meal.  Finally, it was enjoyable because people came.  Without any one of these parts, the evening may have been just nice or even terrible.

The work of ministry is great when the body of Christ works together.  I am so grateful to each of you who do your part serving in single adults, in the larger body of Tallowood and outside the walls of this place.  May we continue to grow up together.

Feeling Alone

Posted on by Michelle

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

I read a great blog article this week by a single adult who talked about being alone.

I think everyone is afraid of being alone to some extent. Some cope with it better than others. Most of the time I enjoy being alone. I am an introvert, so I recharge by being away from people. I am okay with going to movies by myself and eating by myself (I do like to have a good book while eating.)

There are moments though, when I feel the weight and fear of being alone. The good news for me is that I have matured enough to understand that being in a relationship does not mean you never feel alone.

So what can you do? I like to do something for someone else when I feel alone. It takes the focus off yourself. It also occurred to me this week that I can channel that feeling into seeking God more. I can remind myself that though I feel alone, I am not. God is present. Take comfort in Him.

Chosen

Posted on by Michelle

To be chosen is
    To be seen
    To be heard
    To be known

Not to be chosen is
    To feel unknown
    To feel invisible
    To feel abandoned

To be chosen by God is
    To be completely seen
    To be perfectly known
    To never be alone
    To always be loved
          And never left behind.

© 2008 by Michelle Nicholson

Single at Christmas

Posted on by Michelle

I was talking with a friend this past week that was having a rough time being single this time of year. Interestingly enough, the topic came up on a TV show I just watched as well. It can be difficult being single this time of year. It is a time that is very much centered around family. Some singles don’t have any family, or family is not close enough to see. Sometimes those that do have family still have a difficult time because their families have families of their own. Sometimes it’s a catch 22. You can stay home alone or be dragged along to other family and be the lone single. Some people are great at making you feel like you belong. Lois Dorman is one of those wonderful people with the gift of hospitality. Then there are those that don’t have the gift and you might as well be home alone. I don’t have the gift, but I’d like think that I would. I have a much greater appreciation for what my parents did when we were growing up. They always had singles over that didn’t have family of their own. They always wanted them to feel like part of the family. I miss those days. I miss family. I miss my mom.

This is a little bit random, but it is part of being single.

2007 Reading Favorites

Posted on by Michelle

My last posting mentioned that I had read 28 books last year and many of them were memorable. On the fiction side, choosing my favorite was a no-brainer. Absolutely the best fiction book I read was Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. It is a re-telling of the story of Hosea set in the old west. It was creative and very well written. It is also probably they only work of fiction that has ever compelled me to cry out to God in repentance. I suppose this should not surprise me since the story is based upon a story right out of the Bible. If you have not read this book, I highly recommend it.

The non-fiction side proved more difficult to choose one favorite. Almost every one of them gave me something to think about. In the end, I have chosen two. The first is Now and Not Yet: Making Sense of Single Life in the 21st Century by Jennifer A. Marshall. This is probably the best book I have ever read that is discusses being a single woman in contemporary society. It is not a “how to” or “what you are doing wrong” type of book. She writes about how things have changed since our parents were dating and how various things in contemporary American life affect us. One reviewer on Amazon.com wrote “Jennifer takes an honest, clear-eyed look at the gap between where so many of us are and where we had expected and hoped to be, and the struggles we face while trying to make a life in that place.”

If you are a single woman navigating life in this day and age, I commend this book to you as a source of insight and encouragement. I would also recommend it as a good read for those who are married and have single friends. This book will give you insight that will help you better understand them.

The second book on the non-fiction side is Now, Discover Your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham & Donald O. Clifton. I picked this up after our Single Adult Minister recommended it. I found it fascinating. It is a book based on Gallup research which has showed that those who have had the most success in their fields have focused on their strengths rather than their weakness. I took the strengths finder test myself and felt that it explained a lot about my interests. For those interested, the following is a brief summary of my strengths:

  1. Learner

People strong in the Learner theme have a great desire to learn and want to continuously improve. In particular, the process of learning, rather than the outcome, excites them.

  1. Intellection

People strong in the Intellection theme are characterized by their intellectual activity. They are introspective and appreciate intellectual discussions.

  1. Input

People strong in the Input theme have a craving to know more. Often they like to collect and archive all kinds of information.

  1. Empathy

People strong in the Empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others’ lives or others’ situations.

  1. Connectedness

People strong in the Connectedness theme have faith in the links between all things. They believe there are few coincidences and that almost every event has a reason.


These are my top books of 2007. I’m already looking forward to what 2008 holds in store. Gotta go now…time to read another book.

One of Those Days

Posted on by Michelle

Some days I am more acutely aware of my status as a single. Last Tuesday was one of those days. I had to go to the doctor. I’m not one to mind going to the doctor and I happen to like mine. This particular visit had me very anxious though because of the symptoms I’d been having. It seemed the longer I waited, the more anxious I became and my mind went to the more tragic scenarios.

In the midst of this, I began to wonder what I would do if this were something serious. It was one of those moments when I wondered how I would deal with going home alone. It was one of those moments I wanted someone there with me. I’m not naive enough to think that even if I had a husband, that he would necessarily be able to be with me then, or that he would be home when I got home. I think the possibility of that would be reassuring though.

It was one of those times I felt very much alone because I also wished my mom was there. Not only will she never be there, but my Dad for the time being is also half way across the world.

The good news is that it was nothing serious. It was just one of those days. I will say that I came through on the other side grateful to God for what I do have. First of all, for the most part, my health (according to my doctor) is “boringly normal.” Secondly, I am eternally grateful to God for dear friends who are also currently walking the path of the single life and understand these days. I texted my best friend as I waited to get a chest X-Ray and knew that she was praying for me. Finally, I am ever thankful for my big brother. I don’t tell him nearly enough how thankful I am that we survived our childhood and teen years and became friends. He is always there when I need him and I know he would do anything for me.

That is the good news. The best news…God is still with me on those days. I just keep praying that He will help me in my unbelief.

Something Old, Something New…

Posted on by Michelle

Yesterday, my best friend’s mom gave her a handkerchief that had belonged to her grandmother. Her mother gave it to her so that when she got married she would have something old. My friend was grateful and frustrated at the same time. I didn’t have to ask why because I understood completely. I responded, “at least she said ‘when’ and not ‘if.’

Being a thirty something single adult even in this age of independence and exploration has its difficulties. Well meaning friends and family offer “hope” and “advice”, not realizing that more often than not, the effect is negative. Speaking for myself, at least, the hope and advice makes us feel like we are a failure in that aspect of our lives. Sometimes, it’s better to leave things unsaid.

It does not help that there are untold numbers of books for singles about how to find your match that include what to do and what you are obviously doing wrong including that you are being too picky. First of all, I have one requirement–that He has a heart for God. No doubt there are other things that I find attractive like a sense of humor. I have been known to fall into complete crush on a guy that I have not been previously attracted to, who opens up about his faith in God. I don’t think this one requirement is being picky. Secondly, the number of opportunities I have had to be picky in the first place are slim to nothing.

According to the books, I’m not putting enough effort into it. They write like there’s a formula that you can follow and “Viola” find yourself married. Some say chase, others say don’t. People I know also have theories as to why I am still single. In the last month, it has come down to me looking angry at the time. I find this humorous. My friends don’t believe it. I am willing to concede that I have an intense expression when I am focused on a task and I probably don’t smile as much as I should. I have also discovered that I am intimidating. One thing I have never believed I could be is intimidating. Apparently having a Master’s Degree from a Seminary and being so “holy” is scary. This makes me laugh too because if you know me, you know my faults. If you know me really well, you know the things I struggle with are not pretty.

Add to these theories my weight, not being a girly-girl etc and maybe I just wasn’t meant to be married. Theories, books and self-help. I think you can get bogged down and lost in these. I think they can be of some help, but I think you have to read them as you are reading God’s word so that you can see yourself through HIS eyes. Truth? I do want to be married someday. I think the more important question for singles to face is whether you can trust God even if that dream doesn’t come true. Can I trust God for what He has for me now and seek to live out His purpose for my life right now. Can I find contentment in my circumstances as they are? If you can’t answer this question in a positive way, don’t think that getting married is going to solve all your problems.

This was much longer than I intended, but has been on my heart this week, so I guess it needed to be said. Let me close with this, I have not given up on being married some day. For now, I am just a single adult learning to live my life in integrity and faith and discovering that God is honoring and using this for His purpose. What more can I ask for?