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Conviction and Accountability

Posted on by Michelle

Conviction and accountability are two words that blip rapidly on my radar these days.

Early this year, my friend Bonnie shared a plan she had to do a coffeehouse/concert to raise money for one of two organizations our Single Adult group is giving to this year for missions. She shared,

“The story behind this project is that about a year ago I was really convicted that I had been living too long in my little bubble and had lost sight of all of the needs around me. Basically, I needed to be living more sacrificially and give. For me, the money issue is one side of the coin and I’m making progress, but on the other side of the coin is my lack of availability and lack of discipline in giving of my skills and talents.”

It is interesting how the Holy Spirit works to convict. Bonnie’s obedience in following through on her conviction in turn led to my conviction. I am in similar financial circumstances in that I don’t have much to give. I also wasn’t sure how my particular talents might fit into the coffeehouse idea.

This past Sunday as our Single Adult Minister talked about “The Ark” and “One Verse”, and Bonnie’s coffeehouse, he encouraged us to think of other fun ways we could raise money for these two worthwhile organizations. My friend Jack, half jokingly said something about memorizing verses for One Verse. I mostly brushed it off, but my mind wandered briefly in Sunday School and I started thinking about the possibility of getting people to pledge money for me to memorize the book that we are sponsoring through One Verse. I believe this is my contribution. It is something that I can do that will also require something of me—namely discipline. It is also meaningful to me because the people group for whom we are doing this are a people group from Nigeria.

I’m still working on some of the logistics of this before sending out official pledge letters, but here are some of my thoughts and I’d appreciate feedback.

Book to Memorize: 1 Timothy

Deadline: I don’t know whether to make it October 5th which is the same day as the coffeehouse but very soon, or to make it later in the year. I’ve thought about maybe giving people the risk/challenge for me of doubling their pledge for however far I am able to get by October 5th

Pledge options: One time donation, by verse…

Payment: made to Tallowood (so that I’m not handling any of it)

This is my conviction. I am posting this now in part because I need help with logistics and in part because I need to accountability.

God is Speaking

Posted on by Michelle

Today was one of those days. I won’t go into all the details, but it was one of those days that I just wanted to stay under the covers and hope the day would go away. Fortunately, I got a wake up call from my best friend. We didn’t talk long, but hearing her voice reminded me that I wasn’t alone.

Work turned into a blessing too. Not long after getting there, a customer asked for help. Her twenty-something son had a friend who is asking questions about Christ. She is willing to read a book, so he was asking for help both on what to get for her and what might help him answer some of her questions. I spent quite a bit of time in a couple of different sections showing them different books and looking at some that I was not as familiar with. They were so grateful for my help.

As I left, it occurred to me that what I got to do right there was ministry. These are the moments I really love what I’m doing right now. God reminded me again that there are opportunities for ministry all around me. I’m not going to get to be there when that young man talks to his friend and I don’t know what the result will be. God does though. Just maybe I spent some time helping someone that will have the opportunity to lead someone else to Christ. How cool is that?

I walked away from that and started putting bookmarks on a spinner. I was reading them as I was putting them up and let me tell you…God can speak through bookmarks. God still speaks. Sometimes, he speaks through bookmarks, sometimes through a friend. Sometimes he even speaks through your job. Most of the time, it’s not how or when we expect. Sometimes it’s not even what we expect or want to hear. It is ALWAYS what we need to hear. In this case, I think He was reminding me today that He IS still there and still has a plan for me and that He loves me. What more do I need?

Confessions of a Book Addict

Posted on by Michelle

I love books and I love to read. This year, I’m even keeping track of what I’m reading. You can check it out on my website at Reading Corner. This makes working at a bookstore both a lot of fun and very dangerous. One of my jobs is to make sure the MAP (all the sales, end caps, best sellers etc.) are set correctly. This means, each month, I am the first to read through the new sales information. This often becomes an exercise in discipline. I argue back and forth with myself over buying something because it is a great deal and not buying because it is something I want rather than need. Most of the time I do pretty well. Lately, I have put it in terms of buying something or having the extra money to go out with friends. This makes it much easier. I have, however, started a wish list at Amazon.com. I figure if I keep track of things, I already have my Christmas list when my family starts asking. The bad thing is that I don’t forget about all the “stuff” I want. This can be dangerous. I am really not in “need” of anything. I am in want of many things. This is my confession for the week.

The Biggest Book Ever

Posted on by Michelle

Being the book buff that I am, I subscribe to a weekly email from Borders. Mostly, it’s good for the coupons. This week’s subject heading is “The Biggest Book Ever.” The book they are speaking of is the newest book in the Harry Potter series. If you are at all aware of the hype surrounding the release, you know the craziness of it.

Harry Potter is a touchy subject for some and I’m not looking for a fight today. Instead, I have another thought to ponder. The first thing that occurred to me is that the Bible is really “The Biggest Book Ever.” On thinking that, I wondered what kind of hype the Bible gets and what it should get. What would happen if we had the same enthusiasm about the Bible as we do about the newest Harry Potter book, or, if you prefer, the latest best seller in Christian books? This question came with a great deal of conviction. I’m not sure how often my life even reflects that the Bible is the Biggest book ever. I am managing to stay on track with a Bible reading plan this year, but I confess that when it comes to Chronicles, I find it laborious. Even the New Testament, which we tend to find easier to take in, is often read without pausing to allow the Holy Spirit to speak and encourage and convict. Ouch! Something to think about.

For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; 24 for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. 25 But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.

James 1:23-25 (NASB)

The Very Best Thing You Can Do

Posted on by Michelle

Yesterday was one of those days God reminded me that I can be a minister wherever I may be. Right now that happens to be at a Christian Bookstore. A co-worker was dealing with tough questions. She had spent her lunch break helping a friend who was in need. It was difficult for her to return to work and focus on the task at hand. She kept asking “why do things have to be so hard?” This, in reference to her friend, for whom it seems everything is always difficult.

I had no words for her. I searched my mind grasping for something to offer her, but nothing felt right and it seemed one of those times when words were better left unsaid. It seemed better for her to voice her frustration than for me to try to fix things. One valuable lesson I learned after Mom’s death was that sometimes you have to give yourself permission to cry or vent. The hard part is learning to be okay with letting people see that when you are unable to retreat to the privacy of your own space.

I thought about her questions the rest of the day. They were questions I have voiced. I think they are questions we have all voiced at one time or another in our lives. If we haven’t asked on behalf of dear friends and family, we have at the very least asked about our own lives. The questions resound in my mind constantly these days on behalf of a dear friend for whom the last year has seemed a constant struggle. Like my co-worker yesterday, I wish I had the means financially to help her bear some of that burden.

I was thinking about this yesterday and it occurred to me that God has given me everything I need to best help her. If I had the means to help her financially, I could, but would she then trust me or God? This is not to say that the point of all this is for her to trust God. I don’t know the why of it? I am reminded of Job, who lamented his birth and cried out to God, essentially asking why? God never answered directly. Instead, when He speaks, He reminds Job of who He is.

4 “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
Tell Me, if you have understanding, 5 Who set its measurements? Since you know.
Or who stretched the line on it? 6 “On what were its bases sunk?
Or who laid its cornerstone, 7 When the morning stars sang together
And all the sons of God shouted for joy

Job 38:4-7 (NASB)

Job did not need to be told why his circumstances were so dire. He needed to be reminded of the Awesomeness of God.

If my friend needed financial help from me, it would be provided. What she does need from me is to be ever in prayer. It would be a mistake for me to wish that there were something more that I could do for her when this is the very best and first thing I should ever do for her.

14 Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. 16 Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Heb 4:14-16 (NASB)

Ripped Jeans

Posted on by Michelle

I’ve decided everyone should have and wear one pair of ripped up jeans in their lifetime. (I promise not to ever tell this to my nephews.) Seriously though, yesterday I donned a pair of ripped jeans (I’ll save the story behind the jeans for a later date) because I needed to wash my regular jeans. An interesting thing happened–I got a little bit of an attitude, like I could do anything. I admit to a little bit of a swagger as well. I showed up at work and they were shocked. They’d never seen me dressed in such a way. There is something in here about not judging a book by it’s cover, but I’ll save that for another day because it goes very well with the story behind the ripped jeans.

PS. I am definately NOT a mother. It never occurred to me to indicate that the rips in these jeans are in the front around the knees. Thanks Stephanie for pointing this out.

Something Old, Something New…

Posted on by Michelle

Yesterday, my best friend’s mom gave her a handkerchief that had belonged to her grandmother. Her mother gave it to her so that when she got married she would have something old. My friend was grateful and frustrated at the same time. I didn’t have to ask why because I understood completely. I responded, “at least she said ‘when’ and not ‘if.’

Being a thirty something single adult even in this age of independence and exploration has its difficulties. Well meaning friends and family offer “hope” and “advice”, not realizing that more often than not, the effect is negative. Speaking for myself, at least, the hope and advice makes us feel like we are a failure in that aspect of our lives. Sometimes, it’s better to leave things unsaid.

It does not help that there are untold numbers of books for singles about how to find your match that include what to do and what you are obviously doing wrong including that you are being too picky. First of all, I have one requirement–that He has a heart for God. No doubt there are other things that I find attractive like a sense of humor. I have been known to fall into complete crush on a guy that I have not been previously attracted to, who opens up about his faith in God. I don’t think this one requirement is being picky. Secondly, the number of opportunities I have had to be picky in the first place are slim to nothing.

According to the books, I’m not putting enough effort into it. They write like there’s a formula that you can follow and “Viola” find yourself married. Some say chase, others say don’t. People I know also have theories as to why I am still single. In the last month, it has come down to me looking angry at the time. I find this humorous. My friends don’t believe it. I am willing to concede that I have an intense expression when I am focused on a task and I probably don’t smile as much as I should. I have also discovered that I am intimidating. One thing I have never believed I could be is intimidating. Apparently having a Master’s Degree from a Seminary and being so “holy” is scary. This makes me laugh too because if you know me, you know my faults. If you know me really well, you know the things I struggle with are not pretty.

Add to these theories my weight, not being a girly-girl etc and maybe I just wasn’t meant to be married. Theories, books and self-help. I think you can get bogged down and lost in these. I think they can be of some help, but I think you have to read them as you are reading God’s word so that you can see yourself through HIS eyes. Truth? I do want to be married someday. I think the more important question for singles to face is whether you can trust God even if that dream doesn’t come true. Can I trust God for what He has for me now and seek to live out His purpose for my life right now. Can I find contentment in my circumstances as they are? If you can’t answer this question in a positive way, don’t think that getting married is going to solve all your problems.

This was much longer than I intended, but has been on my heart this week, so I guess it needed to be said. Let me close with this, I have not given up on being married some day. For now, I am just a single adult learning to live my life in integrity and faith and discovering that God is honoring and using this for His purpose. What more can I ask for?

God-confidence

Posted on by Michelle

I love to read and I love books. I seem to collect them faster than I can read them. Last night, I needed something to read to wind down. Both my current books were in my car, so I scanned a shelf for something new. A book by Angela Thomas titled Do You Think I’m Beautiful caught my eye. Perhaps because that is a question I have asked often lately (not out loud).

I like Angela Thomas. I would go so far as to call her one of my favorite authors though I have only read one other book by her. I think maybe it’s because I think she gets me and she doesn’t have a clue that I even exist.

Do You Think I’m Beautiful, at least thus far is similar to Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge. Angela writes about the desire of every woman to be pursued, to be told she is beautiful. It didn’t take long for me to be hooked into what she was saying. Angela writes about her journey to discovering God’s answer to that question every day.

As I read, it occurred to me that this is God-confidence. I don’t know where the importance of self-confidence crept into our lives even in Christian circles. I’m not saying self-confidence is a bad thing, but what if we were more concerned about having God-confidence. What if we viewed ourselves, our lives, and our circumstances with God-confidence?

I thought about my own life. God-confidence means I don’t have to be afraid or anxious about not having the job I want. It means I can trust God completely and rest in Him. It means I can walk with my head held high because my worth IS priceless to the only One who matters. It means that I can learn from my failures and move forward because they are not held against me or over me. It means I can lay everything at His feet. It means freedom, freedom to love and be loved, freedom to be all that God has purposed for me.